I am fine

two words for today: good and excited...........................
that's all.

I bet I won't write blog for unknown period of time.... simply don't want...

^^^^ start being silly :D but I am serious. I am silly.

I expect...

life ahead will be more bumpy
with enemies laugh at me
and call me coward
saying harsh things which will be a fuel for the fire
fire of love and mercy

the older I am it must be more complitated and difficult
a more space for others
a more urge to leave the comfort zone
the more desire to give up life for the next generation

I love the pain
there will be much more pain for tomorrow
so, I want to rejoice for the pain of today
more humiliated
more oppressed
until His Power made manifest

what makes it...

the thirst and emptiness
the fire and confusion
low and bent
lost among the chaffs

wait, wait patiently
until the time
cause the gate is near
even though narrow
just be cheerful
step one leg in front of other

God is good!

The morning was very cool today... It will certainly be one of the mornings that I will miss a lot in the future! Morning in the dorm, when the sun shines very brightly through the window in the back of our room. Although recently there are many thirsty mosquitos in the dorm (including the ones which hapily play around me at the moment), but I feel peaceful just being here and doing my activities. Psalms and praises for the Lord are very fit to be lifted to God the whole day....

I have been arranging my files on the laptop to be seen a bit tidy and could be found easily. It's been a fun thing to do. I was sorry to hear one of my lovely friend's, Lisa's Dad passed away today. May God grant her strength and consolations. Memory eternal! She will need to fly to Batam, Riau island tomorrow morning. May God grant her safe journey!

Bambang and I attended the English corner meeting! It's always great to be together and share real things in English with native speakers. God bless Eric and Ann!

calm down

Today we had Indonesian literature exam! This was the final class for the course and I am quite happy that I was enabled to join this class which ended today! I love literature, although I am not very good in writing. At least I can read a little bit so even for now I haven't produced some literature works, at least I can enjoy others' works and appreciate them. It has been quite stormy, not only outside but inside me. But praise God it is well with my soul. I just feel kind of tiredness (for which I am to be thankful) especially in my eyes because I spent lots of time today to read.

The loud music in my room made me a little bit less concentrating... but of course that's very okay for the sake of others' hapiness. I don't want to dominate the nuance in the room with the Turkish and Chinese music... I want to hear instead what others prefer to listen. Praise God for all things!

when it grows

a strong tree with a deep root

could stand still in the violent storm

what is more when it's planted by the river

a gong and a cymbal produce sound

a high and loud voice

a tone of majestic and melody of knighthood

when it is hit by strong arms of musician

smooth and rhythmic pattern on the tree's cambium

is a result of long circle of struggle and striving of nature

in the smile of drought

in the shadow of chilling rain

when the time is complete

the tree becomes bigger and taller

son of desert

In the valley, what do I see....
I see the wind blows the sands of the desert
young sweet lilies between the stone in the sideway
where the pilgrim used to walked by

In the valley what do I see
I see the little birds tweeting nicely
under the cacti leaves which has grown so high
without water, only piercing light and heat

In the valley What, do I see
the sleepy eyes of the travellers
who hope to reach the home with all their might
with the flute on their lips
playing the songs of the fatherland

In the valley what do I see

when the noon meets the evening

I feel a subtle change in my mood today... wait, let me think what causes it... Oh, I see... I am started being self-conscious again, that is I need to realize that I am a 22 years old man... I feel much younger than that. At times, I am trapped with the feeling and thinking that I am what I do... and at that critical time, I started tremble... because at this age, I literary can not do lots of things! I think I have been excusing myself for not doing and practicing practical life skill.. even as simple and practical thing as riding motor cycle... I am affraid that what my supervisor said (even only jokingly and kindly) that I am a man of no skill come true... :P Well, I hope I will be able to practice it later in life if I am given opportunity.

Lord, have mercy... Thanks for all you've done in my life and thanks for little things that You enable me to do. Work in me, O Lord... for your glory!

as it is

I feel and realize that I am dreaming at times. And that made me feel a schorching light as I am awake (what am I saying? #&*@*@ :P). I had a really good time this morning as I sat in the library interviewed by one of my friends for her litenary journalism project, I was really happy for her patience and that she is a very good listener, may God grant her success for her assignment! I really miss to read the work of Lao zi about non actions and acceptance of life as it is. I think it would give me some inspirations to be awake a little bit from my dreams (well, actually I don't have dream... I just can't find the right word :P). Or, at least I need to learn to be patient!

I don't know what to write now... but it's definely a day and I want to give the Lord thank for all things He allows to happen... I am really waiting for the Typika prayers together tomorrow. Well, and at least for this year, I really expect to be able to attend to at least one Divine Liturgy... I think I will need to wake up earlier tomorrow to iron my clothes before I am going to this special occasion! And ofcourse, for Sunday Chapel too..

Thank you, Lord!

to be less of me and more of Christ

Today has been full of joy... Praise the Lord for His abundant goodness and mercy to His little servant. The final paper was finally handed in to my supervisor and waited to be corrected... And I got very amazing gifts which arrived today from a very special person, thanks, Dad... I really love the words which are on the papers, very turthful and beautiful. It's great!! I really love it.

And it's great for me to get the news from Andy and Lily that this Sunday we will have Typica prayers together! Glory to You, O God! Glory to You... I can't wait to be there and worship God together... Thank God for everything... May the Lord be glorified, and strengthen your little servant to glorify You as long as I live!

Thank you, Lord!

Draft 1 is done

Praise God, today was an expected day... the first draft of the final paper has just been done. However, it has not been tested by 'fire' of revisions (&#^^). So, I am better to be ready with whatever which will come next, in the Lord's mercy!

Today we had really good time in the English corner community at MYC southern corner at 7 pm with Eric and Angela and 19 others. We loved to share and talked to each other in English! Our topic today was.... dating! ;) We learned some new idioms, really fancy and funny idioms like 'to have a thing', 'to be an item' and 'fall head over the heels'. May the Lord continue bless them and their ministry in this campus. We'll have time to watch movie together soon on Valentine's day! Hmm, this week will still continue with the Indonesian Literature course and Litenary journalism assignment!

Thank you, Lord!

it's near

I was really focus on my final paper today and I can feel the mood of doing it. Chapter iv will surely be done yesterday, God willing. I have now in my minds my friends who also are struggling with the same assignments. There are 244 of us. May the Lord bless them and grant them strength to finish. What really comforted us today and this week is that we're given opportunity to measure the size for the toga that we're going to wear in June (@.@)! Hmm.. at least it can give us a ray of hope and optimism that one day we will be graduated, and the days are near! Praise God!

It's very good when I feel that somehow my heart is a bit more open for my friends and feel a positive difference when interact with other people. This made me feel I want to stay sometime longer here in UPH. Well, life must go on and I need to receive with open hand and welcome with open arms all that the Lord sends me. He is faithful and beyond good.

Oops, my laundry!! Sorry I almost forget you (*#@#(*#*(#!!)... I hope I can deal with it sometime soon. My room is clean today ;) and I feel nice staying here. My flue has gone and I can smile without itchy nose :P although I am still sneezing in some hours interval. But everything is good and cool today!

Thank you, Lord!

special day

Today went so well! Praise God... and especially because today is really special day: my Dad's birthday! May God bless him and pour out His faithfulness and kindness to him!

I feel much better today, although my nose was scratchy :P. But it's fine because it's gone now... I mean not my nose but the scratchy-ness! And I could do activities smoothly. Hm hm., the final paper, that's what I have been working on these days.. the due date is getting closer and closer, March 07. Chapter iv is on the finish doorway... Praise the Lord. Still in Indonesian litterature course until this Friday... hmm, sounds exciting.

Thank you, Lord

day down

I am somehow tired today and the mood is not very well. Hmm, I wish I can be more cheerful :D. And I am so glad anyway that today I received a really beautiful icon of St. Nikolai of Zicha which now in my icon corner! Praise God!

It's strange sometimes that suddenly I feel terribly lonely and the world becomes a threat! But I need to deal with it and face reality. Since one part from the world uniqueness is its uncertainty... So many things in this life are unpredictable, yet it can be fun games I think: a life games? (I am certainly blind in term of any game... there's not this word in my dictionary; there may be the lexical definition but not the operational one...). I learn to enjoy it chunk by chuck, bit by bit, may be sooner or later I will be more familiar with bitter-sweet of life in very real manner.

It also makes me realize that I can not rely but to God for everything! Lord, help me! Knowing that the Lord is merciful and knows best, I keep thanking Him and ask his mercy for this weak servant which is being earthbound. I feel I am getting slightly sick, a light flu and I am going to take some rest soon. I need to do my paper, and I trust the Lord who gives me strength to do what pleases Him!

Thank you, Lord!

Lord is good!

All of sudden many things becomes interesting: learning languages, watching movies, reading books, etc... But there is one thing is really urgent now: my final paper. Praise the Lord that today has been so productive day and it's been nice day so far. Saturday in our dorm is a calm and peaceful one. Many of my friends decide not to eat in the morning so that they may have longer time to sleep and take some rest after such a long week (that is to wake up a bit later in the day).

Hmm, but missing the early smile of the sun is kind of shame ;)! It's rainy here almost the whole day, so the nuance is very good to sit behind the laptop screen to write and do the assignments! I made a video call with my Dad and it was very nice. I will surely need to do my paper again soon!

Just before I wrote this post, there was some electricity problem so we had to stop our activities for awhile. To fill the time, my friends Haryo, Dwi, Zelia and Jelda walked around the campus and took some photographs! It's really nice!

Thank you, Lord!

catch up from yesterday

Friday... one of days which seems and feels a little bit shorter than other days in the week! May be because it started very early with my heart had to (#%#!!) beat faster because I was expected to meet Mr. Dylmoon, my final paper supervisor!! Hm, yet I have to face it, so why not just flow with the stream.... I just needed to follow these simple procedures: wake up, dress up and cheer up; then going down to Campus and meet him.

With the sweetest smile that I could make, I went down to the campus and intended to get my paper done. I was arrived a bit earlier than the schedule and really wished to have the meeting done successfully. Now, time to call and come in to the office! Yuhuy....!

"It's unanswered"
" Oh, OK... Let me try again later"

Then I waited another hour and he's not there.... Alright, I guess I am lucky because I will have another time to re-read my paper again in the coming week before meeting him next Friday! Praise God ;)! My best wishes for my paper supervisor, may be he's in the classes. Hope we can meet another time and get our project done by God's mercy.

***

Everybody wore red T-Shirt last night, and we sang some Chinese-themed songs in the Friday Night Chapel ;). it's nice! I took a photograph under the willow tree and the lantern :P 30 minutes before the service starts! What a day!

Thank you, Lord!

Kiong Hie

Happy Chinese New Year to everybody, and especially for Fr. Daniel and Dwi: Kiong Hie, Kiong Hie! Hmm, actually today is really good. I am still striving to do my best for chapter four.. hmm, I have a tendency to get distracted quite easily recently. What I mean is, the feeling of wanting to stay away from my laptop or final paper after 15 minutes.. (:D:D). So, here is the deal: I make up music play list (a little bit long, up to 2 hours) and I make a commitment to myslef not to depart from the final paper before the playlist ends! And it helps! Praise God! Oh, it's real struggle for me right now, and the major reason for this is because I do not really 'in mood' to write the paper, since it's somewhat lengthy and I dunno much to write on it for the moment! But I trust God who keeps strengthen me and provides all things for His glory! May be (and I hope) one day when I read this post again, I will smile and praising for the deliverance from God!

I have been reading and learning in my spare time countries like Armenia, Vietnam and Syria! Very exciting to read those countries and especially for Syria, it is interesting that half of the population is less than 30 years old: what a young country! I am also heading on Chapter 6 of the Living God, been a fascinating reading. I missed breakfast today because I woke up late (^$@&##!!!), I think I need to wake up earlier tomorrow.... Eggs, eggs! Nice to eat the boiled eggs with my friends! :D

Thanks, Lord! ;)

I am in God's hands

Tested and strengthened! Praise be to God! It is through some little things or statements made by my friends and those who are around me that the Lord train me and sustain me from day to day. Like today, I heard some poignant comments from my supervisor which directed to my personality. Hm... it doesn't sound much fun, but it is obvious that I need to learn.

If there is something I need to learn these days, it is about letting go, not taking offense. Peaceful indeed when I could appreciate whatever others choose and decide to say to us. Simply appreciate, without prejudice... listen and not attacking back... even if it is harsh criticism. I love the idea of appreciating freedom. My supervisor has his freedom of choice to say and to decide.. and in the grace of God, I also have freedom, that is freedom to love!

I am amazed that I have just realized it now, that letting go and holding no offense is really peaceful and liberating! So, it needs practice to simply listen and give attention to what others must say about us, regardless of its truth or falsehood... just accept it and trust the Lord!

And today, I was really excited with the Indonesian Literature course in which we discussed a lot of things about poem and litteratures. That makes me want to make some poems ;) but may be later on... :P:P I've been reading a very brilliant book that my Dad gave me, The Living God Volume I. Really really good book to read and inspiring! Just watched the Ostrov and that makes me want to pray!! :D

Thank you, Lord!

sufficient day

As usual, this is such a long day... Many people often say of a day more than 24 hours... well... I think it's just enough 24 hours :D because with this amount of hours yet many things can happen ;).
I simply can't tell in words how peaceful this morning was! I simply feel walking on the clouds, so tender and nice. Is that because of the dragon fruit?? (%%&%*%##$@ :D) But Dragon fruit juice is very great! Just tasted and realized it today. Sitting at the park, silencing my mind and observing some people's interaction is pretty good idea in the morning. Praise God for all things!

The library must have been familiar with my presence: there I did a few lines to be added to my final paper (that's very little ;)). Smiles and greetings from my friends have their magical power to me to pass through the day. It's been not very good lately that I tend to have very short attention span (10-15 minutes). My best guess is because I am somehow tired, distracted and a little bit unmotivated to do my final paper. Lord, have mercy! How glad I am when even I am abled to drop and add another line into it!!! Oh, Chapter iv, how could you seem very long and complex for me to touch you???? (:((((). H.E.L.P.!! Hmm.... break it down, break it down! I need to break it down, chunk it into some smaller fragments or pieces! And I need to get some therapy to overcome my tiredness and fatigue... How? What kind of therapy (what therapy LOL)? Hmm.. silence and prayer... I think both of them desparately for now on!

Some distractions I need to adjust.... internet, songs, musics, etc! I need to be more focus!!! Anyway, I am happy for F.E.B.R.U.A.R.Y! Best wishes in this love month (:DD)

Thank you, Lord

smoother

Library once again becomes my favourite station. It's been almost half year for me since I finished my work hour requirement. Praise the Lord for that! And now since I have to finish my final paper quite soon, I think it is better for me to stay calm and studious there in the glass cubicles of Johannes Oentoro library. It is really nice place to stay cool inside since recently the sun shone so brightly and warmly, that it makes us feel better staying indoor. One of my friends Dwi told me a very encouraging phrase as we talked about the paper: togetherness! Helping each other in someway can really help during this critical time. I do agree with him. Cayo, brata! (???*$%#)

So, it's a little bit commitment for me to listen when others speak that I may offer even small help which will make others be stronger and encouraged. And I am still thinking of listening as the greatest gift we may offer to our beloved ones! I can feel the difference in the room now. And it's love which springing ^^^ and the red thread was, because I imposed my perception on others hm... may be out of my insecurity and vulnarability. So now with God's help I decided to let others free... I am trying to appeciate their choices of thoughts and actions to me, let them act out of genuity, not because of wanting make me safe and happy! So, it's kind of being dettached, expecting nothing.... but to love them as they are (hmm.... it's only possible by God's grace! ).

I had the Indonesian literature course with Mr. Abednego! Yeah! Go, go go! We are leaning Jurnalisme sastrawi so I must be ready to make some narative reportage. How interesting, being an artistic (:P) news reporter! Today is really good day!

Thanks, Lord!