left empty

A beautiful cup is regarded good because of its hollow part because it is what makes a cup. And life is consisting parts of this holes and bumpy spaces. It's not easy for me sometimes to comprehend that life becomes very intense, emotional and even crucial. There are times when I get so much upset with what doesn't feel so right and hollow.

I'd like to see anything at least looks appropriate and the way it is, but it just doesn't come as they are expected to be. The thirst can be so compelling and it makes me forget that it is so much OK to be hollow and empty. I feel a bit relieve now for knowing this. However, this doesn't mean that I am being dependent of my cognitive power to suggest myself, but at least it can be a little bit reminder. When I feel the compulsive wispher, then I'd assure myself to just let it hollow and empty. Because it is so often that I am persuaded to fill the emptiness as soon as possible and in the easiest way that can be. For example by being nice to feel the sensation or impression from others, avoiding the feeling lonely by pretending to be social, etc.
And I am amazed that out there there are many books which will eagerly teach me how to fulfill the emptiness and the blank to be full in certain ways.

But now I realize and I will let this emptiness. It's a gift among others to keep remind us of He who loves us so very much. And if it's pleasing for Him, let His hands only makes it full. But even if not, thank God, He knows the best! Journey to accept and to tolerate emptiness is not very easy but it's very provoking and I am into it. Be it empty! :)

and others

Happiness greets me in the morning, as I consciously breathed my first breath for the day, thank God. I stopped for awhile when passing through the two cute fish and stay with them for slight moment on the way to the icon corner.

As I step outside, I can see the beauty on the trees, on the sky, on the sand, in the eyes of passer-by. I am really grateful for today. Beauty fills every ray of sunshine. I whisper my heart, "receivie whatever happens with open hands.... let others gives whatever they want to give, be it a blessing or a curse; since they are sincere... and may I give what I have to help specific needs that they have.."

As I stood to greet each people in the public to offer them opportunity to give, to join foster parent program this noon, and to give the flyers... I was so excited. It's new for me personally and it is good to help me realize, "it is not about me.. it's about Him and about them!" I am thankful for this too. Glory to you, O God! Glory to You!

Three little creatures (my new pet)

Yesterday I went to my campus event EXIT (Extending Indonesian Tourism), and I am interested to see the Nihon part of it... that is to catch a fish with a paper. Certainly not an easy task, especially when the fish are not quite much in a spacious pool, but it was really fun. My friend Dewi, Darwin and I took some time to catch those beautiful tiny creatures. Shortly, Dewi and I got three fish to bring home. I then put it into mini aquarium in my room. I am really excited to watch and play with them. One of really good strategies to exercise patience and care toward other makhluk. I hope they will stay alive and get bigger.

Everytime I see them moving really lively, I am amazed at the goodness and beauty that the Lord bestows on His lovely creation. These there fish which I named Cho'Em, Phi'Em and Lie'Em also help me to be awake when I do my stuffs with my laptop. Glory to You, O Lord! Glory to You!

the net

"[T]he Lord always offers us a way out, He tears the net so we can escape, but on our own, we can only be caught. It is for Him to tear the net. Our part is to not walk into the net with our eyes open". This line speaks very deeply to me. Trusting the Lord and being obedient to Him the whole days of my life has been decided to be my ultimate path. I realize that at times I fall and being dragged in to the deep unknown side, but He is there, always loving and sustaining. In Christ alone my soul finds its rest and peace forever.

It is His mercy, faithfulness and power which I trust. He is leading me home, leading me unto Himself. Glory to You, O Lover of mankind! I am following behind you, O Lord! Save me, I am Yours!

no expectation

Here I come back to the sort of escapism which I really love, that is to cut off my wish and expectations in life. When I feel that there are too lofty and many wishes and expectations in life, there it begins the distractions and counter-productive tendencies such as sadness, etc. Therefore, I just want throw off those useless silly things which entrapped me. It is not for the sake of 'feeling good about me', but in order to stay balance and in harmony, that is to stay still and peace.

When I ponder on this, I find that it is very beautiful, it is a state of liberation from the compulsiveness of desire. When I join in competition, I don't have to win. When I run, I don't have to be fast. When I eat, I don't have to be full. When I look around, they don't have to be beautiful. When I speak and sing, they don't have to listen. When I come, they don't have to welcome. It's free, flowing like a river cross down a mountain, like a fragrant flower which doesn't make up its sweetness. Like the birds which sing and chant in the morning. All as it is, without have to.

It comes so freely and only in freedom, so it becomes pure and good. But you don't have to be free either. Just accept and go with the flow of mercy. Willingly to bear pain yet wound-less. With smile and perception because the world don't have to be harmless.

stay in the center

To be calm and peaceful. I am often dreaming myself to be that one sometimes. I am very amazed of the hesychasts who are granted the inner peace. Well, in this life I do not know so many things, including lots of how to's but I don't think I should or need to know all. My favourite figures? I love the harmless, meek but very wise like Yuddhistira, Zughe Liang, Tong Sam Chong, Lao Zi and many others. I just feel that I really like them! This piece from Lao zi is very fragrant for my soul, I really love it:

True perfection seems imperfect,

yet it is perfectly itself.

True fullness seems empty,

yet it is fully present.

True straightness seems crooked.

True wisdom seems foolish.

True art seems artless.

The Master allows things to happen.

She shapes events as they come.

She steps out of the way

and lets the Tao speak for itself.

(Tao Te Ching, v. 45)

I don't think that Lao zi would like the idea of 'studying the text', even upon his beautiful poetry. So, I will let it just as it is; to be read in its beauty and marvel and simplicity. Whenever I read this text, I feel like I am in the cool sides of mountainous plateau of the Northern land above Indochina with its serenity and mystical nature. I learn that it is in the state of openness and sincere acceptance of circumstances and in trusting in the goodness of the Lord, we would lay aside the worldly cares to accept Him who is Everything.

To be sober and mindful. It sounds so cool. Yet, I also realize that I would be tempted until my last breath. But I want to cling to the Strong Rock, my Fortress, and my soul will be refreshed. So, I will stay in the centre, near to the heart of the Lover of Mankind who is forever faithful, to walk in the path He has taken with serenity and peace in my heart. Lord, have mercy!