A new simplicity

A temptation to be sophisticate and excellent sometimes grab my attention. I forget sometimes the happiness of being so simple and small. True, living in this very comfortable environment and setting enrich my mind with vocabularies and may be life style. But I think I must not forget of where I am from and it is worth it to keep that in mind and flow with the nature, expecting not more than I deserve.

Happiness in being simple and small! I think this is cool. But do I mean not progressing, persisting on the given situation and being deterministic? At some degree yes. But not totally and extremely. It is the moderation which takes very important role here, to accept whatever comes joyfully and thankfully. It never goes as easy as it is spoken but it is, for certain, easy and light.

Be enough and say enough anytime. God is in control, He knows perfectly. Whatever I am facing and whoever being sent to me, they are blessing from the Most High! What else could I be thankful for? God is All-Love! Be cheerful. Be cheerful giver. Be merciful and gentle. Chant his praises continually in your heart, invoke His name with love and warmness of heart so that your soul will blossom with the flowers of righteousness and godly love. Glory to You O God! Glory to You!

when time is near

Even the river and branches of the trees silence me
Thanks for this loneliness
I want to stay still and smile
because time never leaves me but consume me
bring me to the desert to learn
sweet sweet joy
radiantly, strangely glistening

I will try to keep smiling
help me, O merciful One
I rely on you I will be here and keep watch
only never leave me
I trust in You
I will wait and wait until Your face smile to my poor face

Lord, I know how unworthy I am before you
even to untie Your sandal and to gaze upon You, I am undeserved
and I know that from the dust you made me
only a puff of wind is my life
but Lord, my soul and spirit thirst of You
I can not but longing for Your mercy

Lord, have mercy!

The Love of God

This song describes very solemnly the Love of God! I really love it:

The love of God is greater far
Than tongue or pen can ever tell;
It goes beyond the highest star,
And reaches to the lowest hell;
The guilty pair, bowed down with care,
God gave His Son to win;
His erring child He reconciled,
And pardoned from his sin.

Refrain

O love of God, how rich and pure!
How measureless and strong!
It shall forevermore endure
The saints’ and angels’ song.

Could we with ink the ocean fill,
And were the skies of parchment made,
Were every stalk on earth a quill,
And every man a scribe by trade,
To write the love of God above,
Would drain the ocean dry.
Nor could the scroll contain the whole,
Though stretched from sky to sky.

Ameyn! Ameyn! Ameyn!

Homily On The Changing of Water Into Wine

Following sermon is from beloved Saint Nikolai of Serbia:
This beginning of miracles did Jesus in Cana of Galilee (John 2:11).Our God is Almighty; and His power has no limit and is beyond description. He created all that was created by His Word: By the Word of the Lord the heavens were made (Psalm 33:6). By His Word, He created the body of man. By the Word of God, lifeless earth is transformed into the bodies of men, animals and plants. By the Word of God, flowing water is changed into vapor, and vapor into ice and snow. By this same Word, the water in a vine is changed into wine, wine that maketh glad the heart of man (Psalm 104:15). Therefore, how difficult a miracle was it for the Word of God Incarnate-Christ our Lord-to change water into wine in Cana? For us men, darkened by sin, this is a great miracle; for our nature, weakened by sin, it is an unattainable miracle. Yet, isn't the working of miracles the usual occupation of the Creator? When the servants filled the six large vessels with water, the Lord Christ said to them: Draw out now, and bear unto the governor of the feast (John 2:8). He did not even say, ``Let the water become wine,'' he merely thought it. For God's thoughts have the same power as His words.Why is it said that this was the ``beginning of miracles,'' when it appears that, long before this miracle, the Lord worked other miracles? Because, brethren, the changing of water into wine is the fundamental miracle of Christ, and is the essence of all His miracles. Human nature was diluted with its own tears, and it was necessary to change it into wine. The divine spark in man was extinguished, and it was necessary to rekindle it. Infirmity is like water, health is like wine; the impurities of the evil spirits are like water, purity is like wine; death is like water, life is like wine; ignorance is like water, truth is like wine. Hence, whenever the Lord made the sick whole, the impure pure, the dead alive, and prodigals enlightened, He essentially turned water into wine.O Lord our God, Thou miraculous Transformer of water into wine: bring Thy divine flame to our extinguished hearth. Transform the water of our being into divine wine, that we may be like unto Thee-and that we may thus abide with Thee in Thine Immortal Kingdom, with Thy radiant angels.To Thee be glory and praise forever. Amen."
And the Lord heard St.Nikolai's supplication.
(Quoted from David's blog, Finding the way to the heart)

Song of joy

The Lord is good! Who is like our God? Full of compassion and majesty. It's awesome when my heart come into this reflection. He created us and gives us capacity to respond to His Love and to be capable of Him by his grace. I am especially fascinated to watch a very brilliant Jewish movie entitled "Ushpizin" (Aramaic means Succoth guests) which my Dad shared me. The story is so dynamics with emotions and thrilling moments. Moshe faced the tests for his faith: financial problems and difficulty to bear child. The story was set during Jewish feast of Succoth. Moshe and his wife Mali prayed and waited earnestly God's help for them to be able to celebrate Succoth for the Lord. And The Lord answered them miraculously, sending them helps more than they asked for. And there they were able to celebrate a very good celebration of Succoth, even God also sent them the guests.

The guests were two convicts who just went out of prison whom one of them happened to be Moshe's old friend when he lived his old life style. It was such a big test for Moshe to host these two guests. Their attitude and behavior were really a potential down for her soft-hearted wife. And as it can be expected, Mali (his wife) couldn't hold it anymore and wanted to leave Moshe. Moshe was so much crushed. He missed his wife and tried his very best to make Mali come home, which was very likely impossible. His friends started to changed their minds and asked for his forgiveness. Moshe pardoned them! But, one more test was faced by him.. "The Diamond" that is the citron for him to have a beautiful son was eaten by His friends; made into salad! Moshe couldn't hold it anymore and burst out in anger. He then wept bitterly in the wilderness and begging for God's mercy to strengthen them.

The clouds were finally unveiled from his mind. His wife returned home telling him that she was pregnant; a golden boy! What a joy! Lord is good!

I realize that I couldn't express the review of this movie very well... but one thing I keep in my mind: trust in the Goodness of the Lord! Glory to you, O God! Glory to You!

יְהִי שֵׁם יְהוָה מְבֹרָךְ-- מֵעַתָּה, וְעַד-עוֹלָם
Blessed be the name of the LORD from this time forth and forevermore! - Psalm 113:2

Be Thou my Vision...

The words from this hymn which came from 6th century Irish Christian have touched me so deeply. It is so sweet and true. Especially when I reflect back what it tells to the article shared by brother David, about trusting the goodness of God.

Be Thou my Vision, O Lord of my heart;
Naught be all else to me, save that Thou art
Thou my best Thought, by day or by night,
Waking or sleeping, Thy presence my light.

Be Thou my Wisdom, and Thou my true Word;
I ever with Thee and Thou with me, Lord;
Thou my great Father, I Thy true son;
Thou in me dwelling, and I with Thee one.

Be Thou my battle Shield, Sword for the fight;
Be Thou my Dignity, Thou my Delight;
Thou my soul's Shelter, Thou my high Tower:
Raise Thou me heavenward, O Power of my power.

Riches I heed not, nor man's empty praise,
Thou mine Inheritance, now and always:
Thou and Thou only, first in my heart,
High King of heaven, my Treasure Thou art.

High King of heaven, my victory won,
May I reach heaven's joys, O bright heaven's Sun!
Heart of my own heart, whatever befall,
Still be my Vision, O Ruler of all.

Ameyn!

Aposticha

The woman had fallen into many sins, O Lord,
yet when she perceived Thy divinity,
she joined the ranks of the myrrh bearing women.
In tears she brought Thee myrrh before Thy burial.
She cried, "Woe is me!
For I live in the night of licentiousness,
shrouded in the dark and moonless love of sin.
But accept the fountain of my tears.
O Thou who didst gather the waters of the sea into clouds.
Bow down Thine ear to the sighing of my heart,
O Thou who didst bow the heavens in Thine ineffable condescension.
Once Eve heard Thy footstep in paradise in the cool of day,
and in fear she ran and hid herself.
But now I will tenderly embrace those pure feet
and wipe them with the hair of my head.
Who can measure the multitude of my sins,
or depth of Thy judgments, O Savior of my soul?
Do not despise Thy servant in Thine immeasurable mercy.
(poem of nun Casia, sung on the Aphosticha, Holy Wednesday matins)

taken from The Living God: A catechism volume I - p.170.

This Sunday

How I wait for the day of the ressurection so that I might worship God in the sanctuary. But I know that even though the physical temple where faithful can gather has not built yet, I can humbly worship him in the temple of my heart. I want to ascend and go in there humbly and solemnly when all is about the Lord and his Love. Glory to You, O God. Glory to You!

I am waiting for You, O Lord, in the gate of your temple. May in your great mercy You let me in regardless of my unworthiness, purify me O Lord. Yes, Lord even though I would be the most back row of Your Holy People, I would be glad only to gaze to Your beautiful countenance and majestic radiance of Your face. Have mercy on me, Lord! Have mercy on me!

Help me in my loneliness and fragility. Strengthen and refresh me by the power of your Commandments. Lord, I do not find love in me. I have spoiled the mercy and faithfulness You granted me and too much concern with my own foolishness. Lord, save me for I am Yours. Never abandon me, O Lord. Remember your lowly servant. Forgive me and grant me courage!

Bless O Lord, Your Holy Church... Perserve and strengthen it. Heal the schisms of the churches, quench the ragings of the heathen, speedily undo and root out the growth of heresies, and bring them to nothing by the power of Your Holy Spirit. And regard and remember me O Lord, as the part of Your Church by Your mercy! Amen!

Stand firm

Keep advancing in the world of much unknown, with a brave steps passing through the valley and the stars. Even though there are much uncertainties out there in the world of who knows. But at least there are still someone we can ask and share to. Stand firm and immovable in the ground given you where all the things seem to have their own ways and ideas. But once you hear The Sound which is the genuine sound which bring you home. Follow this until the end.

There are too many things to be grateful for. Yes, sometimes it is apparent and visible, thus I am thankful for that. But I also realize that there are much more which are invisible but so much real. I hope my mind is always awake and be ready to leap in joy and in moderation to remember it and to praise God whole-heartedly. Only give yourself up for those who need you desperately. Sometimes they need it just a little part of you. Be it your feet, be it your smile, be it your time, be it your hands, or be it your ears. Just keep watch and be available, because they can come anytime on your way. Don't forget to bring the oil and the lamp with you so that you will be able to see clearly and not be stumbled.

Step forward in an eager heart. When you slip and fall, look up and say, "Lord, have mercy!" so that He might lift you up and refresh your soul. This is a fierce and constant battle. See those comrades, bountiful comrades with you who keeps you stand, then stand firm and look forward to the joyous merry. Only look compassionately, meekly and gently, be harmless like a dove before your enemies.

honestly

I said to one of my friends when I walked crossing the park last night, "I think I need to learn to be humble, especially in the willingness in asking questions to the things that I don't really know." And he said, "Yes, you are right." Thus, I have made up my mind to be honest to myslef, to others and to God regarding lots of things that I do not really understand. My culture has taught me enough to be polite and pretend to quickly understand inorder to not hurting someone. Thus, personally when I reflect on my own communication style, most of my messages are in answering tone, description of facts. It is a kind of being pressed by myself to be knowledgeable and ready to answer.

Thus I am impressed with one of my friends who is really good and humble questioner. He is learning about the Orthodox faith and use to asking sincere and honest questions with respect and dignity. May the Lord bless him abundantly!

I realize now that to ask question and to say, "you are right" to others requires humility. It has to do with putting ourselves as the one who needs help and others as our guide. Even in small sense, it trains us to realize that we need others' helps and to love them.

With learning eyes

The artist' eyes have its sharpness and can captivate beauty because they desire to learn. He sleeps and awakes while listening to anything open to him, and keeps watchfull. Even though when he is not being very awake, at least he has such a heart that when that rare inspiration comes, he is ready to grasp it.

Everything is provided for us to learn, to repent and to come back to our senses and to flee to God. The Lord is ever good and faithful. His mercy is beyond what human mind could imagine. No person knows us so intimately, so deeply and so available as the Lord our Creator himself. And this is a previlege for us to return to Him and confess our sins and to live in communion with Him. God's love is the sweetness of our minds, body and soul. What could be our highest and sweeetest theme of our hymns and praises but the Lord himself?

Thus, accepting with open heart whatever comes to us and trusting God who works good for those who love Him is act of grateful soul. Heartful obedience and love is to love Him will our whole being: heart, mind, body, strength, and embracing others in that trust to the Lord. May everything that we do is because we want to please God! Glory to God!

Waiting and beyond

There is a time when I let the silence and shaddow pass through me. Because it is the wisest thing to do at the moment: to stay still and quiet after the sound of soundlessness. To make the motion of thought pure and still, to relect better of the reality and to restrain the body from doing unneccesary toil. I am also reminded that nothing should be done exceedingly. One day has its own difficulty, so be sufficient with what He sends today and give Him praise for all things.

What I need to do is just practice a little without expectation and ambition. Do anything good joyfully and wholeheartedly and then leave it. Just receive what is my part and with little part by little part in prayer, without a desire of recognition and prestige. Breath deliberately and thankfully, with hidden smile and tears.

Obedience is such a great power and at the same time humility. There is no substitute for its power. Keep practicing and doing what is good only piece by piece just like we eat spoon by spoon. It is very long and deliberate process and not over night show. Yet, however slow, its steadiness and meakness is what makes it unshakable. Wait and walk slowly, walk heartfully, there is no need to hurry and to be significant. Just look to Him who is in the front of you and follow....

take a little rest

Human has limit; I am limited as well. Finishing the final project has been a really good time to stretch the mind and physical body to its furthest. And now I guess it is time to respect my body and take a little bit rest. Some of my friends still need my help though, so I will tell them if I can or cannot. Since I realize that I am not the only one who is able to help, so I'd suggest them to find some other nice guys out there to help with Abstract algebra and et cetera, I will be so glad if they come to me at other times.

Taking a rest is very important to be effective and useful. I really love to take a nap and then doing some other activities afterward. When I am tired, I found myself disconnected and less communicative. So, the only way is to ask Lord's blessing upon taking a rest and plea His to wake me up to glorify and give His name praise. I am thankful for His mercy and faithfulness so that finally I could submit the final paper on March 07. For the next phase and process, I trust the Lord who knows the best. By then, what I could do is just to wait and smile...; to admit if there is some mistakes, to say alright when the jury ask to revise, to answer when they ask and to hear from them their decision if I pass or not.

March has been very hectic month, but surely I will miss it one day in my life. Especially when I continue growing up and leaving my youthful days! Anyway, now I am still young and I want to praise God for this. All the rest, I trust him to guard his little servant.

Tangible way

When the world seems very complex and sophisticated, it is always a good time to flee into simplicity. Simplicity of life and matters. Sometimes, what makes happiness really hard to grasp is because we put it too high or too deep. Imagination and illusion costs such an believable effect on day to day circumstances. "I will be happy if..." there it goes the conditional premise which make the mirrage of hypothetical world. True, something 'higher' or 'deeper' at times can be really tempting and somehow life tends to be directed to that something. But what about here and now? Should we ignore and hate it? If we could not rejoice and thankful for the things of today, how could we be rejoice and thankful for the things of tomorrow?

One simple step, one simple smile and one simple nodd, through one simple action of love and faith which can be expressed in tangible way as a time is such a grace which God bestows on us. I warn myself to be aware of the things that are too high for myself. The desire of security in life, of possessions, of imaginations, of money, power and recognition.I want to be ordinary person, who smiles sincerely and from the heart. Every good gifts come from the Lord, I just need to wait and obey.

I am happy, yes I am happy because I know whom I belive and that I don't create myself. Everything is in His hands and that in His hands everything is secure. Glory to You, O God! Glory to You!

Sacrifice of Isaac

Following passage is my favorite part from The Living God book which was sent by my Dad,

"Remember that patriarch Abraham and his wife Sarah had a son in their old age, Isaac, according to the promise which the Lord had made them. One can easily imagine Abraham's and Sarah's great joy at the birth of their first child, and the love with which they surrounded Isaac, who had been given to them by God as a reward for their faith, with the promise of a multitude of descendants. But God was going to test Abraham again, using this son Isaac. The Book of Genesis tells us the story (Gen 22:1-14):

[God] said, "Take now your son, your only son Isaac, whom you love and go to the land of Moriah, and offer him there as a burnt offering upon one of the mountains of which I shall tell you."

You must understand clearly: God orders Abraham to kill his beloved son and to offer him as sacrifice; and Abraham does not hesitate, just as he did not hesitate during the previous trials. He saddles a donkey, chops wood for the fire, and sets out, taking two servants and his son. After travelling for three days, Abraham sees the place which had been indicated to him in the distance and orders his servants to wait for him with the donkey. He puts the wood on Isaac's back, takes fire and a knife, and they move on together. Isaac's walking with the wood on his soulders up to the place of sacrifice reminds us of the Lord Jesus' carrying His Cross up to Golgotha.
The story continues. Isaac asks his father, "Behold the fire and the wood: but where is the lamb for a burnt offering?" And Abraham answers, "God will provide Himself the lamb for a burnt offering, my son." Upon reaching the place which had been indicated indicated, Abraham builds an altar, puts down the wood, and ties Isaac upon the altar. But at the moment he takes up the knife to destroy his son, the angel of the Lord calls to him and says, "Do not lay your hand on the lad or do anythingto him; for now I know that you fear God, seeing you have not withheld your son, your only son, from me." Then Abraham sees a ram caught by its horns in a bush and offers it as a sacrifice instead of his son. Abraham called this place, "The Lord provides."Then the angel of renews God's promise to Abraham: "I will indeed bless you, and I will multiply your descendants as the stars of heaven as the sands which is on the seashore. And your descendants shall possess the gate of their enemies, and by your descendants shall all the nations of the earth bless themselves, because you have obeyed my voice" (Gen 22:17).

The simplicity of this story is astonishing. It does not deal with Abraham's feelings, his anguish, or his fears. we are not told wheter the knife trembled in his hand. Abraham does not understand why this sacrifice is demanded of him, nevertheles, he obeys in a gesture of absolute faith. Isaac also shows total confidence in his father and does not rebel against him. The sacrifice of the heir of the promise, the instrument of all his hopes, which is demanded of Abraham, require a faith above all reasons, an absolute obedience and a total confidence in God. Abraham is convinced that, in spite of all appearances, God will keep His promise. Once again, we are clearly shown that the history of salvation is made up not only of God's decisions but also of man's will, when a man knows that his hope is rooted only in God: "Thy will be done."

The Living God: A chatechism volume I - pages 147-149.

a little thought

My mind changes so quickly at times, may be depends on the moods. When I reflect on how I perceive things, I come to realize that it is a very tricky process. I need to have my mind under guard all the time. My tendency is to be somewhat to focus and fail to see some matter from the broader perspective or as my lecturer used to say, from 'the big picture'.

I do love thinking in the big picture too though. But may be under certain circumstances and occassion, I tend to think somewhat narrow and there I find myself in the sweet melancholicity. In this special time is when I usually find I am most humane with its tenderness and fragility. However, as it comes as the cycle of emotion and psychological stuffs in me, I better to anticipate. It is just like my Indonesian fellows who love to say, "Sedia payung sebelum hujan (that is, prepare the umbrella before it rains)."

Feeling low is good. But it is a tricky path to deal with it and what to do with it. Make peace with ourselves I think is the first thing to do. That is to consciously recognize the feeling without reacting, repressing or denying it. In short, face reality. I have often heard that hard times is a perfect time to sharpen us. Yet, when I jump down and flow with it, I can't exactly tell that what I am facing now is a hard time. It's just an ordinary time which asks me a slightly more readiness. Everything in God's hands is blessing. He is a good God.

I now realize that detention time to reflect and be silent is so important. It is due to my nature and limitation. In silence and prayer, we wait for the Lord to comfort and to fill us with the pure consolation which strengthen us with strength unknown. Walk slowly, breath deliberately and always have God in our mind and heart! Glory to You, O God! Glory to You!